Unlike intact families in general, children who are raised by single parents is likely difficult to identify one parent figure who did not live with him. But that does not mean there is no solution.
“It would be different between children raised in intact families with a single. Whatever extra attention given to single parents, will not be complete because the child must identify a mother figure and a father,” said psychologist efnie Indriani, M.Psi, when contacted wolipop Thursday (07/05/2012).
To keep the child the attention and affection are complete, then both parents have to be compromised in arranging parenting time. In the case of divorced parents, for example, the mother must share parenting time with father. For example, in one week, four days the child with his mother and two days with his father.
“Before making a deal if the parents will not speak ill of one another so that only the positive value received by children. Parents do not be selfish, do not just put their own interests (eg just like dear child to the father or mother),” said psychologist who became a lecturer at the Faculty Maranatha Christian University’s Psychology.
A single mom, Mia Amalia also apply the same principles in parenting. He admitted, both Mia and her ex-husband had promised her children that everything is not going to change even though her parents separated.
“We both had promised from the beginning, we were separated but there was no change. I do not want this (divorce) so the load and make the kids distracted,” said Mia, when found wolipop in The Reading Room, Kemang, South Jakarta, on Wednesday (05/06/2012).
Meanwhile for Ainun Chomsun which is also a single parent, although most of the time spent with her children, she was never deterred if the child wants to meet his father. Busyness makes children and her ex-husband is very rarely met.
“He (the child) often take me away. Past if any assignment out of town, my son brought. Similarly, at the weekend. But now only see at night or in the morning because the child is school. His father was also very busy. But if he said he wanted to meet his father, later the phone, picked up at school and get together, “said Ainun.
What can be done when the child spends time with his father? Efnie emphasis on activities that are shared together. The child can tell everyday experiences like school, when playing with friends or when with her mother. So even with the father, should also tell their activity during separation from the child.
“I have asked the kids’ activities, chat and play games intensely relaxed. Again, emphasize the ex-husband to not vilify each other,” said psychologist who works in Melinda Hospital, Bandung.